What NOT To Do If Your Wife Won’t Have Sex with You

Wife Husband


Lovers of the net have probably come across the she-said-no-sex-tonight spreadsheet doing rounds on social media, this is somewhat old but still relevant with today’s couples who struggle with the same thing. I can concur as I have had similar challenges myself. The content of it laughable, yes, but like any serious marriage counsellor would tell you, the couple has some serious talking to do.

Communication is key to any relationship, but it is not easy for everyone to communicate especially if you not on the same page with each other. It may sound easy to do, but in reality, it is not, we all built differently.

The ‘is sex an important aspect of marriage’ question is one that begs serious attention. Apparently, sex is so important in marriage that it accounts for at least half of the divorces filed per annum, true story.

So it does not really help when her answer is always no. It is actually a very humiliating kick to the nether or below the belt region for males. Humans are sexual beings, it is in our DNA, we built to like and enjoy and most important want or need sex.

However not everyone is built in this way and males mostly do want sex, but there are both males and females who don’t really care for it and could live without it they wanted.


Why She Won’t Have Sex With You

You are not alone; the ‘honey not tonight’ answer is one that does not sit pretty with a lot of men. A lot of women are oblivious to the fact that men do not take this kind of rejection too well or perhaps they are aware and use it to their advantage to make men suffer. Unfortunately, this typically does not end well for marriages and for either party.

Typically two things will happen a) the one left stranded if you will, will likely start looking elsewhere and b) a divorce is likely imminent and the relationship will fall deeper into that black hole making it harder to climb out of. The ‘I am really tired tonight’ might sound like ‘ you do not excite me anymore’ to you but it is important for you to understand that it is not always the case.


Here is a possible list of reasons why she won’t have sex with you but not limited to this list, as there could be other variables that just makes her not interested.

  1. She Might not Enjoy it.

Let’s face it, a lot of men think sex is all about them. Take the time to think about what she likes and how she likes it. Then, maybe, the no’s would become lesser. Also if you having sex in the same way, try spice it up. I know as we get older we don’t want to put in any real effort, we become selfish and we just want to satisfy.

Try to do something different, if you have never tried using things like a vibrator, go order a vibrator online if you too shy to enter a store. In today’s world, nobody really cares anymore except some prudes, you shouldn’t be embarrassed walking into a store. If you are, your first time may be awkward and it will be less and less as you visit the store more and is perfectly natural. The people in these stores are generally very helpful and will make your awkwardness as little as possible.


  1. Too Tired

At times she really is just too tired. Running a house with two or more toddlers is never easy. Having multiple jobs or having a long commute will make anyone tired and not interested. Make a date, book a time when it works for both of you. Even though you have been married for years, dating is a good thing to keep the spark alive. Try to make the time and effort and continue with that. Buying flowers or gifts now and then will go a long way.

  1. Insecurities

She hates her saggy boobs and the way her stomach splits into two everytime she is seated. She might not feel as attractive as she used to right before she gave birth to your children. Remind her that she is beautiful and that you will always love her. Even though we get older and understand this happens, we still become ashamed of our bodies. Giving her or him reassurance this does not matter to you will help.

Marriage Sex Spreadsheet

What Not to Do

Frustrating as it may, one always has to remember to keep calm. Here is a well thought out list of what not to do if your wife won’t have sex with you.

  1. Don’t be Tempted to Cheat

Rule number one; cheating is never the solution, it only makes it worse. Rejection attracts that ‘trapped in a sexless marriage’ feel. Sticking to a spouse who does not meet your sexual needs can at times be both emotionally and physically draining. You might be tempted to seek sexual solace in searching for intimacy somewhere else. Prostitutes, online porn, mistresses, and affairs become your kind of perfect. There are a sling of reasons why this is a bad idea; STDs and unwanted pregnancies are some of them. Getting caught, of course, is never a good way to end the story. Talk it out with her, try to communicate.



As this couple or guy did above, he created a list and email her the list of when he rejected her. Instead of emailing her, making a list isn’t a bad idea, but sit down and talk and see if you can make time for each other. In her case,  she blasted the list onto social media which was wrong as well. This is a private matter and should be discussed with each other. This shows how bad the communication has become between both parties.

You need to try to understand what is wrong and how you can fix it. You may be surprised it may be little things, like helping more with the chores or maybe carrying the groceries in when she needs help.  You may even surprise yourself how litlte you have to do to fix the root cause of the problem, but you won’t know until you sit down and talk with each other.

  1. Assume it is All You

Communication is key. It might be that she has been feeling beat lately. It might be that she has been experiencing a little vaginal dryness. The only means to find out is through talking to her. It becomes easy to assume that it is all us. Maybe I am too boring; maybe I am not as exciting anymore. Well, perhaps you are, but they are ways to fix some of these problems. The spreadsheet couple seems to have a problem with their communication.

It is strange that the husband chose to email his significant other his ‘grievances’ rather than have a one on one conversation. The way the wife, on the other hand, chose to address those ‘grievances’ is also peculiar. Rather than sharing the spreadsheet on social media, having a talk session with her husband could have come in handy. The wife should have taken advantage of the situation to air her concerns and perhaps explain to her husband why sex every night might not be possible. Always remember, to talk and listen to your partner.


  1. Give her the Cold Shoulder

Selfish is what comes to mind everytime she says no. She might come out as a woman who does not care about your needs or about your feelings. This is the wrong way to approach the issue. Like pointed out, her disinterest might be as a result of a lot of underlying issues. The cold shoulder is never the solution to these issues; it only brings about resentment.

  1. Make your Issue Public

The fact that the 26-year-old woman chose to share the spreadsheet publicly is unfortunate. She seems not to understand how serious the situation at hand is or can turn out to be. A married couple is a team, and any issues between the both of you should be addressed discretely. Professional help, however, is encouraged to that couple that feels that the situation is out of their hands.

Just sitting down and talking about the issue may help the issue immensely, more than you may think. Be open to listening to each other. It is not easy living with someone for many years. I have been married for 19 years and it is hard not to fall into a rut and not want to do anything, it is so easy to do. It takes work for any relationship, especially one that has been going on for so many years. 

  1. Get Angry

As previously stated, men never take rejection too well. Anger is, however, not the best way to handle the situation. Anger can be easily interpreted as ‘ he only wants me for sex’ which might, in the end, cause more harm than good. An article by Psychology Today places anger thirteenth on the list of ‘reasons why men cheat’. A deprived partner, in his anger, might choose to intentionally do things that might hurt his spouse in an attempt to hurt her feelings.


  1. Play the Blame Game

It becomes easy to blame the lack of sex in your marriage on your partner. You are no saint, and neither is she or he. A couple should acknowledge the fact that they both have a role to play when it comes to sex. Explore together and find what does or does not work for them. Take responsibility for your mistakes and always try to up your game.


With time, it becomes easy for couples to forget that sex is an important aspect of their marriage. They treat it as an obligation, a marital duty one must fulfil. Contrary to that, sex is a glue that helps stick you and your loved one together. It keeps you connected and bonded. The fact that your wife won’t have sex with you is saddening. Take it upon yourself to find out why.

Rule number two; Never speculate, always ask.

Video: Why my wife doesn’t want to have sex ?



Please go ahead and leave me feedback

I would love to hear from you and if I have missed anything, let me know and I will add it. I would appreciate you linking back to our blog http://healthyfixation if you found any of these articles useful and please let us know where we could improve or add additional content on a specific subject.

Thank You


About the Author Stephanie Hill

Stephanie Hill is the Chief Editor of Healthy Fixation and blogs regularly on various blogs and health and fitness topics. Stephanie provides personal advice on the latest health news and recommendations on health related issues and products.

follow me on:

Leave a Comment: